The role of family is incredibly significant in modern society as it provides the framework for support, love, and understanding which everyone needs for stability and overall happiness.

However, when this support system breaks down, it can leave the adults and most especially children and young people within the family in a vulnerable situation which can also change the cause of their entire lives.

Situational factors are prevalent

The family structure has always experienced challenges from time immemorial, but the problems have become more profound today due to situational factors such as cost of living crisis, poverty, inequalities, deprivation, diminished responsibility, and failed expectations.

An African proverb says, “When the elephants fight, the grass gets trampled”.  In this situation, the children are more at risk of suffering. These changes have left many parents to make exceedingly difficult choices regardless of the outcomes.

Underlining factors

The world is changing and things that were once regarded as unusual in marriages are gradually becoming normalised leaving more couples with the option to control their marital chronicles. The increase in the possibility of mental health problems in children and young people today cannot be isolated from the impact of parental separation and divorce. Even though the impact can be managed with adequate emotional support from the parents and families around the child, some children may still never be able to recover from the traumatic experiences.

Family breakup can lead to other underlying issues causing emotional distress which can affect children’s behaviours around their peers who can make them feel excluded and ostracised. Children are at their most vulnerable at this stage when they lose their values and become subservient to peer pressure in their quest to seek support on familiar ground.

Season of grief

A family system breakdown can be described as a season of grief for children especially if they have witnessed conflicts and hostility around their parents for a while and trying to process the outcome in their own way. While some children may feel regretful for not being able to help their parents during this crisis before it escalated, others may be relieved that the situation has broken down and everyone can finally be at peace depending on each child’s level of emotional capacity to navigate difficult events.

Family separation can put children in a confused and distressing situation where they sometimes suppress their feelings to show solidarity for their parents or a parent they care so much about.

Most children are more likely to be more concerned about their mother’s feelings than their father’s due to the secure attachment and the bond they share.

Resentment amid chaos

Children are often more affected by family breakups especially when their parents are not able to put their interests above their feelings at this time. It can become more difficult for them to understand why their parents stopped caring about each other and may also begin to unravel the situation in their heads to find clarity. When parents fail to take responsibility for their own decisions, children are often left heartbroken and disappointed. Children often do not resent their parents for breaking up, they are more likely to resent them when they are left to pick up the pieces of the chaos they created.